I knew I should have just left you alone.

I knew you were no good for me.

But still, I clicked you.

http://www2.gibson.com/Products/Electri ... 7AodrwvVoQ

Damn you banner ad, sitting at the bottom of the page.

Fucking thing sucks.

http://www2.gibson.com/Products/Electri ... uitar.aspx


Wow.

It was like they tooke the Firebird and just went, "How could we fuck this up beyond recognition?"

You have to hand it to a company that is so committed to the concept of raping and pillaging their classics. It is so awesomely self-destructive.

I like to think of Gibson as a family company.

It started with a man. A man on a mission to create beautiful instruments, with a level of quality that would build a worldwide reputation. His instruments would be played by the greatest of the greats, and be admired and sought after by all who were blessed to hear or, dare I say, play one.

But, like everyman he was flawed, and cursed with a drinking problem. He would drink away his frustrations; however, when the drink no longer quelled his rage, he would turn the violence to his son.

A son, who would one day come to run the company.

This son could have used the reputation his father built to hire the best luthiers available. This son could have built upon his father's near-perfect designs. This son could use the power of an industry giant to continue to produce the best instruments possible.

But instead, this son rapes the Gibson legacy.

He hires "market analysts" with fingers high up their asses and far from the pulse of the musician community. He hires underpaid workers to man-handle any piece of equipment that comes down the assembly line. He kidnaps retarded children, and uses their finger-paintings as designs for his new masterpieces.

Cruel revenge? A scorned son's wrath? No.

This son, is a douchebag.

Yeah, it is pretty great.

I just see Henry Juszkiewicz yelling "FUCK YOU DAD!" to a bunch of pidgeons outside of his window.

Tears of rage and hatred streaming down his pink and swollen face.

He raises the bottle of Scotch to his lips, but pauses.

No, not this way. Never this way.

Then he chucks the bottle at the pigeons.

And has his secretary get his head designer on the phone for him instead. ASAP.

That is how the SG Zoot Suit was invented.

That is what i am talking about.

Fucking. rainbow. plywood.

For anyone else, such a thing would signify joy and sunny pleasantness.

For Henry Juszkiewicz, it is just another efficient way to destroy a classic and wildly commercially successful musical instrument institution.

Designer: So what color should we make it?

Henry Juszkiewicz: I want something that conveys rage, angst and deeply rooted hatred for guitar.

Designer: *sketches SG Zoot Suit*

Henry Juszkiewicz: YES! It is like you took the colors that flash before my eyes before strangling a Thai lady-boy, and painted a guitar with them.

"Now we must make it out of the cheapest material available to us... And then we will charge MORE for it! Fuck you dad!"

"umm. Mr Juszkiewicz, my name is Tom? Why do you keep shouting 'fuck you dad' at me?"

Henry, clearly out of it now, stares, evil tooth-bared grin firmly fixed into place, puffy eyes cutting a laser-like path through frightened designer, until the cowered Tom quietly backs out of the room, clutching his sketchbook as if it might provide him protection of some sort.

This is my favorite thread ever.

I feel this entire epic needs to MSPainted.

I might do that today. I still have 8 hours or so left of my shift.

This really actually probably is my favorite thread ever.
I feel like I tainted it by even posting in here.

I plotted out how many frames it would take for me to draw this.

Fucking epic amount.

This may take days.

The accurate repoartage of history is indeed, a hard slog.

I won't spoil the surprise.

But, remember that long ass one? The one where Cam got crushed by reality?


Give or take, it's about twice as long as that.

this is wonderful when my children get all caught up in their thoughts and rage. I did not even have to click on the initial link as I knew it had to do with that firebird x abortion.

Has anyone else made such great guitar, and such shitty guitars? Did Leo and company fall from grace at any point? THIS BADLY?