Stolen from Reddit. I could not leave it there.

TL:DR: Stop being lazy and read how bad-ass Teddy Roosevelt was.
Teddy Roosevelts bad-ass resume:
Amature boxer while attending Harvard (1876-1880)

Deputy Sheiff/Cowboy (C. 1885 Badlands, Nebraska) - Hunted down 3 outlaws that stole his riverboat, after caputure Roosevelt guarded the 3 men for 40 hours straight (read Tolstoy to stay awake)

New York City Police Commissioner (1895-1897) -Roosevelt implemented regular inspections of firearms and annual physical exams, appointed 1,600 recruits based on their physical and mental qualifications and not on political affiliation, established meritorious service medals, and closed corrupt police hostelries. Roosevelt made a habit of walking officers' beats late at night and early in the morning to make sure they were on duty.

Assistant Secretary of the Navy (1897-1898) - Roosevelt became Secretary of the Navy for 4 hours while John D. Long went for a message. He quickly told the Navy worldwide to prepare for war, ordered ammunition and supplies, brought in experts, and went to Congress asking for authority to recruit as many sailors as he wanted.
Colonel Roosevelt (1898, San Juan Hill, Cuba) - Roosevelt rode back and forth between rifle pits at the forefront of the advance up Kettle Hill, an advance that he urged in absence of any orders from superiors. He later refered to the battle as "'the great day of my life" (Having originally declinded the awarded, in 2001 Roosevelt was awarded Congressional Medal of Honor, becoming the first person to be awarded a nations highest honor for military valor and the Nobel Peace Prize)

President of the United States of America (1901-1909) - Held record for most hands shook in a day until 2004 with 8,513. Regularly boxed as Governor of New York and as President, until his sparing partner detached his left retina, blinding him in that eye. Occationally skinny dipped in the Potomac River.

Safari (1909) - Upon leaving the presidency, Roosevelt went on a Safari. Roosevelt and his companions killed or trapped more than 11,397 animals. Of these, their kills included 512 big game animals, including six rare white rhinos. The expedition consumed 262 of the animals. Tons of salted animals and their skins were shipped to Washington; the quantity was so large that it took years to mount them all, and the Smithsonian shared many duplicate animals with other museums.

Assassination attempt (October 14, 1912) - John Schrank shot him, but the bullet lodged in his chest only after penetrating his steel eyeglass case and passing through a thick (50 pages) single-folded copy of the speech he was carrying in his jacket. Roosevelt, as an experienced hunter and anatomist, correctly concluded that since he was not coughing blood, the bullet had not completely penetrated the chest wall to his lung, and so declined suggestions he go to the hospital immediately. Instead, he delivered his scheduled speech with blood seeping into his shirt. He spoke for 90 minutes. His opening comments to the gathered crowd were, "Ladies and gentlemen, I don't know whether you fully understand that I have just been shot; but it takes more than that to kill a Bull Moose." Afterwards, probes and x-ray showed that the bullet had traversed three inches (76 mm) of tissue and lodged in Roosevelt's chest muscle.

He was one resilient bastard.

Clearly a fucking cyborg.

Amazingly, unlike Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt was not a cyborg. As far as i have been able to put it together, the case seems much more likely that he was in fact, a freakish, but more-or-less all-natural, genetic mutation.

The reason that the assassin failed, and indeed the reason that Teddy's lungs did not suffer any damage from the bullet, was that: Teddy Roosevelt was born without lungs.

That is right, Theodore Roosevelt, was actually a Fish Person. This of course, is also why he harbored the obvious hatred towards all other land-based mammals that surfaced so clearly on his various hunts and safaris.

What is somewhat less clear, is just how exactly Mr. Roosevelt was able to process oxygen when on land. It may in fact be, that in a further and even more scientifically baffling mutation, he somehow did not have the physiological need to do so at all in the first place.

Also, before anyone becomes confused by the fact that though Mermannish in nature, Roosevelt was also an avid destroyer of fish...

It is worth noting the deep seated resentment that he harbored towards his water-bourne brethren. In fact, he felt quite betrayed that the rest of the fishes would not rise up from the deep and assist him in waging his war against all mammals. And thus, he lashed out at ALL beasts, be-lunged or be-gilled alike. It is a fairly tragic element to his story, actually.

hmm. I like where this is going. A Teddy Zombie would destroy all.

Is it possible that he breathed through his skin, much like an amphibian? Though without lungs, processing the oxygen proves interesting. Was Roosevelt's hide permeable only by oxygen, which was absorbed directly into his bloodstream?

He's like King Arthur; somewhere in the wilderness, or perhaps under the sea, he waits until his country needs him.

Godzilla? hmmm...

I think we make Zombie Teddy/Godzilla part of the Beastiary.

I like this guy...

Yarr, that thing is practically in my back yard.

deja wait, wut?

That's what I get for leaving the window open at work, and submitting the post way after I typed it. Then I browse with no images on at work, so when I saw you posted another image I played the odds that it wasn't the same pic.

I'm a terrible gambler.

but you have balls for going for it. Nice. Not everyone can be:

OK so Andy Jackson seems to be amongst badass as well... dude fires 2 guns at you and you beat him with a cane. If the man just had a monocle he would have been World Dictator

http://www.blog4history.com/2008/07/andrew-jackson/

Hey, cigarettes are good for you. Eating them can cure tapeworm.



The US Army Survival Manual recommends eating cigs and doing a shot or two of kerosene to kill tapeworm.

The entire book is full of recipes for being uber-manly and epic badass.

nice