It has been almost a millennium since the Walrus-men of Alpha Centauri B were last seen on Earth. In 1063, three years before the Battle Of Hastings, they landed their Space-Galleons in the North Sea. The Viking king Harald Hardrada traded the Walrus-men industrial-grade diamonds in exchange for meteorite iron. The Walrus-men captured several dozen bottlenose dolphins from the Atlantic before returning to their homeworld. They are not known to have returned to Earth since.

As their Space-Galleons have been sighted passing Neptune, the question must be asked: for what purpose would the Walrus-men return to Earth?

Lets face it, they only wanted to engage peacefully until it came to pass that they met the non-vikings of us.

Now that they know how soft and weak the majority of humankind really are, i think that it is reasonable to assume that they will find far it more expedient to enslave and harvest freely the resources they seek, rather than having to continually come back and forth bringing more space garbage to palm off. Really, i think it is the all of the incessant haggling that did us in. Walrus-men aren't really big hagglers, as it turns out.

And while it's true no one ever gave the Vikings any guff, meteorite iron really wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Yeah, it seems ideal for forging mighty blades to cleave one's enemies in twain, but ol' Harald never did become king of Denmark even, never mind England. One can make the case it's just space debris the Walrus-men found on their way. But in the Vikings, perhaps, with all their seafaring and pillaging and acquiring things from all corners of the globe, they found kindred spirits.

There is a definite shortage of Vikings these days. I think the Walrus-men may find Scandanavia, specifically, to be much more mellow than it was back in the day.

Oh they have seen the true mankind of Earth, they have seen.

The time is about here, hey have been watching us with a super teleskope and the time is ripe. They have actually sent down their first round of ammunition and it is Honey Boo Boo. They plan on rotting out brain from the inside through the mindless rubble of reality television. The tested the waters with Housecunts of New Joisey and we fell in to the trap, then they followed up with Jersey Shore.


Just fucking doomed.