Confound thyself upon my manly organ, for thy hindquarters shalt recieveth the seed of my loins. And yea, the steed upon which thou travelst shall likewise recieveth thee.

We were considering buying a bunch of sex dolls and a tank of helium for my sister's graduation party to release in celebration.

Then someone mentioned my 90 year old grandmother would be there.

So we are definitely going to do it.

Just need to find a place with bulk sex dolls for last minute and cheap.

Indeed.

HA! I didn't even know that was a thing!

I hope shit tons of folks do this.

I hope at least some people did. The idea is fantastic.

OH YEAH? Well, I would wlecome the Pope to poop on a bear in the woods, but that doesn't mean it will happen.


Wait.

That did happen.

I wouldn't have guessed Ol' Benny would be into that sort of thing. But on second thought, he is German and a Catholic priest.

Fact: German Catholic Priests are into anything.













































Like the holocaust

I'm a terrible Catholic

Isn't everyone? Isn't guilt the whole point?

Oh yeah!

Personally, I think God would be proud that I am making jokes at false prophets' (like this Campings asshole) expense.

All these d00ds have to do is open their mouth and the joke's on them. This is generally the case with anyone who makes me look sane.

Also, latent Catholic guilt is big around these parts.

The Church is happy to have any parishioners in the south, so they aren't guilting anyone down here.

But the KKK hates us, so we earned it.

Guilt-Free Catholicism? Don't know if I trust it.

Credit where it's due, the KKK sure is a classy organization.

Do you trust any organized religion?






I kan't respect an organization that kan't spell klan.



Like Krank.

I have no beef with Zoroastrians, and the Church Of Satan seems to be on the up-and-up.

The KKK proudly endorses Krank Amplification.

Possibly because they are smoking krank.

Ah yes the big Z. I have to give them credit for being the OG of monotheism.

I even wrote a story back in my less-funny-than-my-current-unfunny-state days, which references Zoroastrianism.

Word, dawg.

References it how? In passing, or are Ahura Mazda, Ahriman and co. a continuing theme?

Not so cleverly:

"It was nearing nightfall when Stevie began to get desperate. He sat at the bus stop recounting the day’s events. He discovered the secret to manlihood, debunked a major religion, empathized with terrorists, and out-smarted an enlightened being. Not to mention he received death threats. Stevie started to wonder if maybe religion wasn’t the right way for him to reach adulthood.

As Stevie sat sulking in his darkest moment a man joined him on the bus stop bench. Stevie had been observing the man as he purchased a Maxim magazine from the bookstand while hitting on the girl who ran it. He wasn’t an older man, in his thirties at most. He was the kind of man who referred to women as “babe” and smoked cigarettes inside. This was the type of man who proudly displays a hairy chest in the men’s locker room while talking smack about men who wax. Basically, he was a man’s man.

Stevie admired the man and realized that this man knew the answers to the questions Stevie had been asking all day. This man must be the prophet to Stevie’s personal religion. Stevie felt compelled to ask him,

“Excuse me sir, but do you practice a religion?”

“Why yes I do.” The man responded.

“If you don’t mind which? I have been through hell today trying to figure out which religion is right for me.”

“Well I belong to an old-world religion called Zoroastrianism.” Said the man. It was all he needed to say. The name alone sounded impressive, and the fact it is an old world religion added a sense of prestige. The man continued, “We only have one God, and our religion inspired a lot of Judaic scripture. Also our religion’s sense of toleration and unity throughout history helped to spread and strengthen all religions all over the old-world. Finally the structure of our heavenly hierarchy helped to inspire a large part of Christian belief.”



The man and Stevie spoke about the religion all the way to Stevie’s stop. He walked off the bus feeling mature, and loaded with plenty of ammo for religious debate. He found a religion that met all of his criteria, and since it was an old world religion and no one really knew what Zoroastrianism was all about he was free to make it up as he goes. He walked into his house with a swagger of a true man, and promptly told his mom to make him a steak.

THE END"















I might be a terrible writer now, but dear BELT was I a terrible writer back then (a whopping 3 years ago). I was like an even unfunnier Maddox wannabe.