With the exception of me, perhaps. I'm drinking slightly more frequently than I used to (But that just translates into like once or twice a month instead of once every three or four months) I never really did any other stuff though anyway.

Yeah but you play metal. Being drunkenly productive is part of the job description.

I havnt had a drink in about 2 weeks but when I get drunk, I get drunk.

I drink 3-4 times a week at the local hipster bar, and then I play piano in the back.




ORRRRRRRRRRRRRR


I drink at the dubstep night at SOLAS and talk shit to teenagers.


God it's cool to be me.

As soon as I think I'm out, they pull me back in.

Booze isn't really fun anymore, save for the Friday/Saturday night bar scene.

Pot is still fun, but only cause I smoke maybe once every week or two.

Boredom is what makes me not want to be sober.

I have already failed.. Every time I try to quit smoking I remember why I never succeed. Crushing anxiety, thoughts of suicide, etc. All your traditional awesome bullshit.

Pondering committing myself. Like, to the insane asylum. Not even joking. Years of alcoholism have wrecked my shit utterly. Now, I'm bipolar with episodes of major depression and panic attacks to begin with- fun wow! And I do not feel so good right now.

For me right now it's not my brain, which is lucid and functional-ish enough, it's my body. Which scares the everfucking fuck out of me because that is a trigger for my panic attacks; I am a delicate flower. I broke me trying to chase me away.

Ha, funny that you say that! My mom asked me if she should admit me to a psych ward today. She was dead serious.

It's sort of a ridiculous suggestion.. But I see why she would say something. She's been dealing with me talking about offing myself (though always in a comparatively calm context) since I was 14 or so. It's never like, "I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL MYSELF AAAAAGGGGGHHHH". But more like, "I really hope I don't wake up tomorrow. Or the next day. And so on".



YAY WINTER DEPRESSION

I'm dead serious too, and it's not for the depression, it's for the rest of it, and specifically the availability of immediate medical care. And I always get really bad this time of year, especially if I'm single. But this past week, I've just, I'm broken. I've had a panic attack like every other day. I've started taking vitamins, stuff to help with my blood pressure, reduce cravings for booze, tranquilizers... I have never felt this kind of scary-sick. It is not good. And I thought I could pull it off too, being a functional addict. Even when I got stupid fucked-up I was harmless. I just ran my body into a wall.

Alcohol withdraws are super-scary.

Hang tough though, if your body can handle the abuse you have given it thus far, it can handle the gentle loving care you are giving it now.

At least it isn't heroin withdraws, I have seen that shit first hand it is fucked.

I'm not even going cold turkey either. Gotta taper down, without meds, as I can't afford a doctor, really. I want to go for a walk and smoke a cig, trying not to freak. Now, I am a waifish thing and for me to be slamming a liter of hard booze every single day and no longer getting world-is-spinning or OMG-barf drunk or hangovers is probably, er, a bit much.

LOL, re: heroin. I have never done it but I so would right now.

Hang in there guys... I'm sure it's hard at first but with persistence the curve won't seem to steep...

I have been in a similar place dear Snaxie. While as immature as I am, I am probably the elder on the board and have been through anxiety and was diagnosed as a manic depressive and was put on the meds myself. Anxiety is no fucking joke it is some fucked up shit. I was lucky came through it fine and while it is tough for you now, really tough, just keep going through each day. If you need anything call.

Winter time is by far the worst time. I won't get into it, but yeah, i am hearing the discord amongst my fellow maplitonians.

The sole upside around here, is that thus far the temperatures have been quite mild. Which is good, because i don't know if i could handle general winter darkness, plus a proper hard freeze right now.

Right now, I am exhausted and feeling pretty blah, but otherwise fine. Though finding it difficult to concentrate and think straight. The method of tapering off by sobering up and only take a drink if you feel withdrawl symptoms managed to cut my usual consumption by like 75%. Beer is recommended for this but I couldn't drink that many beers. At least, not the sort I like. Vodka shot, Gatorade chaser. Works quick. And just the one, mind you, the whole idea being you don't get drunk and your system adapts to having little or no alcohol in it for longer periods of time.

Now is the winter of the malcontent's discontent.

I forget you all live in the north.

I was just walking around outside in a t-shirt and felt a little warm. I think this kind of weather really helps my mood.

And I'm sitting in my room in a winter coat feeling so very, very cold. Granted given my situation that is not so surprising. I feel like an old person, especially with all the pills.