Random nightshift tiredwork action here. The next week or so might be interesting. Of course, as soon as i get properly into my old, normal, nocturnal, schedule, they will probably put me right back to the morning shift. Whatev.



I read it the first time around man. Seems like an angle worth checking out anyhow. Almost all of us of course, wif brain fevers of one flavor or another in these parts. That is at least part of the reason, that this colony has the inhabitants that it does. We know brainfever.

It is indeed the common ground of varied insanity that makes me feel comfortable with venting my bullshit onto here. I don't think anyone here can't atleast mildly relate. And even if they couldn't and were they to think me a Pussyass Bitchmade Fuckboy, it wouldn't really matter, would it? Try to make fun of me from hundreds of miles away.

Really the reason I bother you dooders is: I build a weird barrier between myself and basically everyone I know where I am more or less the main source of entertainment at most gatherings (largely because I am incapable of shutting the fuck up, which no one actually seems to mind thankfully) and I sort of end up being this insane cartoon character in peoples' eyes. And as a result, it feels wrong to try and talk to anyone about the fact that I am in reality; pretty goddamned depressed all the time. Sometimes I get really drunk and start to bring up a small tidbit of what is going on, and then one of my friends will be like, "OH YEAH THE SAME THING HAPPENS TO ME BRO" when I know full well that they have no goddamned idea what I am talking about. And so I retract back into my shell.

It is kinda fucked up from my end of things, but I have tons of goddamn friends and only legitimately like a couple of them.


Ah and, I really wish I could get the thyroid thing checked out stat because things today were once again: Weird As Fuck.

I know that feel. I have a shitload of IRL friends, and would only genuinely give a shit if like four, out of all of them, died.

And that number might actually be two or three, and i am just not even being honest with myself here when i think i am.

I will randomly drop some sort of real shit on them, because i am generally pretty open about what is wrong when things are wrong. But i don't really ever expect anyone to know what the fuck i am talking about when i say anything. Mostly i would guess that folks just assume that i am in the closet or suicidal or something. Because folks have a limited perspective of how one might get from point A to point B, i guess? My life's theme right there, perhaps.

That is more or less how I feel, as well. I don't expect anyone to fully understand or to be able to help but I can't not voice these things out loud sometimes. I talk to myself about them enough and it does nothing, so I occasionally take a stab at it.

As for not really caring about the existence of a many people, to be fair: Most people suck shit to varying degrees. And by most, I mean almost all of them.


On a more light note: I have made some amount of peace with myself in the past hour or so. It should last a couple days, I am sure. Atleast, I will not lay in my bed for an extra hour before I fall asleep, half wanting to punch everything that ever existed and half far less macho things.

I've been going through some depressive shit lately as well. Having trouble finding a good job (Sam Ash is awesome and all, but part time commission jobs pay dick) and the inflow of money in my marriage is definitely one sided (Babs make a shit ton more than me) which has become a point of contention in our marriage. We actually had a major blow out last night about it, first time I took my wedding ring off since we got married.

And of course, moving to a new city (even being here a year) has pretty much emptied out my friends list. Outside of my band (who I don't really hang out with and we haven't even practiced in like almost two months) and my work friends I don't have any bros I can just vent to. Shit got bottled up, and the bottle burst last night.

So now I am venting to you dudes.

But we talked it out and everything is good for now, but another/better job would really make shit a lot easier.

Downpicking downpicking. For whatever reason I feel like playing metal riffs today, so I am. That and shredly lead stuff. It's not a bad thing to stay in practice, I suppose.

Devski, if'n you ever need someone to talk to about that shit you know I am all ears (or eyes, I suppose ), brutha. That goes for all you dooderinos in the unlikely event you don't have someone else more sensible to talk to.


Ya know, I think things are going to be cool. A few weird moments today, but significantly better. I just need to keep reminding myself that things are not fucked up and broken like I always trick myself into thinking they are. My brain is one evil son of a bitch, lemme tell ya. I just need to learn how to tell it shut up and stop worrying because I am quite thankful to say, I don't think I have anything to worry about.

Yeah dude you're doing quite alright. Just remember the whole 'Laska bit is just a means to an end. You're making money and you don't have a lot of commitments back home (like you know ... a wife) so fucking do it up, make your money and enjoy that shit.

Also I am really drunk right now, and Barbara just gave me one of these for my birfdae:








It is fucking fantastic.

Oh yeah, on that front I DEFINITELY have shit made. It is not my job or financial situation that my brain tortures me with, it is a much, much different thing. That one thing I write songs about.

Furk yerr, them Atmos' is dope! Got one meself.

Also, happy birthday, breh. Was gonna make a thread but I wouldn't wanna deprive you and Alex of cakes on the OP, and phone just ain't up to the task.

Welp, drummerhomie who plays on all my loudguitar based stuff decided to make a facebook and bandcamp for our shit.

So, I suppose, feel free to check that shit out and download the muzack if you so wish:

https://www.facebook.com/friendgetter?fref=ts

http://friendgetter.bandcamp.com

Man, I sure do feel better now. It helps not think about think about things in the manner of a paranoid, crazy person.

Maps has become the go to place for many of us to vent, and we are such a small group now, which I prefer, it makes if somewhat easier to vent truthfully and not worry about someone dicking it up.

Dev, the money thing is always a rough one. I sit here now probably making more monetarily that most on Maps, but living month to month, I have a house and kids, and if I don't hit 4 gigs a month and put in at least and addition $400 from those gigs, we fall behind. Also looks like the company I work at is going to be sold or acquired by another company. So my job may be gone at any time. If that happens I am seriously fucked. The mortgage on my shitty house is too much to support, living on Long Island costs way too much. fuck this place.

Cam, sending you my number should you ever need to talk to someone. I also have no one IRL that I would really consider a close friend to tell everything to. I did when I live in LA, my best friend knew everything and I could talk to about everything. Now I vent by letting little things out here.

I also seem to be going back into a dark hole with drinking again. I can see it coming so I am hoping to avoid it getting bad, and getting back to my workout routine. Problem with that is I need to pay up to continue MMA, and hard to do that when I am worried about having a job in the near future, and the places the band is playing are giving us free drinks... free therapy in a bottle seems easier.

Went to my Grandparents house today and when I turned up I saw this guy walking around outside. He didn't have a collar or name/address tag on him but seemed happy enough walking down the street pissing on various things so I left him be.

Pugs might be the most hilarious dog breed. I'm pretty sure every pug owner has a story to tell about the retarded shit their pug does.

I believe pug is the official breed of DGAF

haha yeah he was awesome, just strutting around pissing on things and snorting like only a pug can do. Hope he found his way home.

Just started recording some new riffage, not sure whether I can really take it anywhere though - https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/150 ... -09-13.mp3

On another note, I'm liking the Vox Amplug for recording bass.

I just got ten packs of Dean Markelys for free from Hello Music. Not gonna bitch.

Speaking of free shit...I gotta get rid of shit laying around my house...and that includes my 4x10. Mr. Torgeot, I know you live in driving distance from me. Got any need for an Ampeg 4x10 bass cab? May also be wanting to get rid of my old Avatar 2x12 with GT75t speakers.

Hmm that might interest me or a close bud of mine. I will make haste with an answer for you good man